Rain Like Diamonds

[halosphere.livejournal.com]

Time: May 20th, early morning
Location: Michael's room
Status: Private (Gabriel and Raphael) - COMPLETE
Summary: Raphael writes a letter and wants to give Gabriel a gift, but he stills feels guilty for his behavior


Rain Like Diamonds

Okay, so maybe Raphael had gotten a little carried away addressing the envelope that contained the letter he had so carefully written to his older brother.

It looks like a Valentine's Day card... he thought glumly and he almost dropped it in the trash so he could put the letter in a normal not-overdecorated envelope.

It would have been a lost cause anyway.

Gabriel was the Messenger of God, surely he wouldn't mind. And anyway, it was what was inside that counted. And what was inside, tucked between the folded papers (he had used lined paper from his Journal) was a gift... A long red feather, dusted on the end with gold. He had fastened it to a cord and there were two decorative gold beads on each side.

I wonder if I should have had Gabriel bless the feathers before I started giving them away? Oh well, too late now. And anyway, he only gave them to people he trusted.

Before he sealed the envelope he pulled out the letter, reading it one more time:

Dear Gabriel,

I feel that I owe you an apology for my recent behavior, but simply saying "I'm sorry" doesn't seem to be enough. I am very grateful for everything you have done for me and I apologize for being so flippant, especially in regards to my own self-destruction. I can't seem to pull myself away and no matter what I do I feel trapped in circles going nowhere.

You mean a lot to me, Gabriel. I love you and I wish I could make things better. Please forgive me, and know that I really am trying. Thank you for everything. Thank you for being there and for your patience and kindness and just being the angel you truly are.

Love,
Raphael

He carefully refolded it and tucked the feather between the paper, then slipped it inside the envelope and sealed it. For a moment, he considered sneaking away to give Gabriel the letter, but Michael, even in his sleep, would have sprung to life and caught him and then it would have been handcuffs for eternity. Maybe longer.

What am I doing? A letter and a feather isn't going to fix this... Nothing is ever going to make this right...

He dropped the envelope into the small wastepaper basket, burying his face in his hands. He could hear the rain hitting the window outside.

His gaze slowly shifted back to the letter tucked sadly in the wastepaper basket. It's not going to fix anything... But he plucked it out and turned it over in his hands. Raphael glanced over at Michael.

"I'm still here," Raphael said, tip-toeing to the door. "I'm still here I'm still here I'm still here..." He quickly opened the door, slipped the letter beneath Gabriel's door and quickly shimmied back inside.

Pudge looked at him accusingly.

"Shh!" Raphael hissed. He picked up his journal, but was already starting to fret... What would Gabriel think when he saw it?




((•))

Comments

sorry for the edits! D:

[cattygabriel]

Gabriel laughed. "We have time to have a drink and look at the church from outside one last time, don't worry."

He pulled his cup towards him and grinned at his brother. "That reminds me of one of my favourite snatches of poetry. Time To see a world in a grain of sand, And a heaven in a wild flower, Hold infinity in the palm of your hand, And eternity in an hour. William Blake."

He loved that particular quotation; it summed up how he himself felt about the wonders of Creation.

No problem <3

[halosphere.livejournal.com]

Raphael sipped the delicious chocolate, licking the cream from his lips as he looked around. "I don't know why I've not spent much time here," he said quietly. "It's so beautiful and so many couples in love..." He smiled at that, the lingering Love and Faith within him allowed him to feel the happiness that seemed to radiate from the various couples he could see. Most were newlyweds, he could tell, others on a pilgrimage while others native to Venice welcomed their family after a hard day of work.

He swallowed some more chocolate. "You should bring Michael here," he told him.

Re: No problem <3

[cattygabriel]

It took supreme effort to not choke on his hot chocolate. Gabriel dearly hoped that it was a non sequitur, not an implication that he and Michael were anything more than friends.

"Why?" he asked. "He doesn't need reassurance that he's an angel, and anyway all the churches to him that I can think of are..." he frowned. "Coptic, Greek or Russian. Hmm. I'm not sure there's one in Venice."

[halosphere.livejournal.com]

"Gabriel..." He sighed, finishing what was in his cup. "You're just as bad as I am when it comes to denial. You're hurting too and won't let anyone help you."

[cattygabriel]

"I'm fine." Gabriel finished his drink as well and took out his wallet as the waiter approached with the bill. He paid and left a tip, then stood.

[halosphere.livejournal.com]

Raphael bit his lip, thanking the waiter and moving to rise again. He subconsciously scruntched the edge of his shirt, still lingering with a gentle aura. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean... It wasn't my business..." Suddenly he wanted to flee again. "I could take a plane from here if you'd rather I do that," he mumbled. "Erm, but you'd have to miracle me a passport and a ticket."

Why couldn't I have kept my mouth shut? It wasn't my business, but I wanted to help...

And well, as the Angel of Lovers it was not only his business it was part of his Purpose. But considering everything his brother went through because of him, he wasn't going to push.

[cattygabriel]

Gabriel sighed. "I didn't mean that. I suppose it is your business, but I'd really rather not discuss this right now if you don't mind. And don't be silly, I'm bringing you back."

[halosphere.livejournal.com]

He nodded, still scruntching his clothes, staring dully atthose beautiful lilies. "Let's go then," he said, his voice almost detached.

[cattygabriel]

I'm an idiot. Gabriel pulled Raphael into a hug. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "Look, it really isn't your fault. I'm not capable of discussing this right now."

[halosphere.livejournal.com]

"It's fine, really, don't worry about it." He didn't melt into the embrace like he always seemed to, instead just putting on a smile. "We should go. I want to get rid of my old journal, burn it probably. And maybe a nap would do good."

[cattygabriel]

Burning the journal? Gabriel began to smile. "Sounds like a good idea. Do you want to see the church again before we leave?"

[halosphere.livejournal.com]

"No," he said. "I think we should go." He felt as if a war had started inside of him.

[cattygabriel]

"Are you alright? I'm sorry," Gabriel repeated. "Look, it really isn't your fault."

[halosphere.livejournal.com]

"You don't need to apologize, dear. It's alright, I was wrong to say what I did. So uhm, did you want to fly like we did last time? With you carrying me?"

[cattygabriel]

"You weren't wrong to wonder," the Messenger answered quietly. "It's just... it's too new and I really can't talk about it right now. Whatever 'it' is. And yes, we'll be flying back the same way."

[halosphere.livejournal.com]

He didn't say anything more, not wanting to discuss it any further. He had been an idiot, as usual and was actually grateful he had not ordered an actual meal; his stomach felt as if a snake had taken up residence in there, a snake unwilling to release its hold on him despite the healing that needed to take over.

What now...? What do I do now?

[cattygabriel]

"Come on," Gabriel said, wrapping an arm around Raphael's shoulders and leading him away from the cafe, which was filling up.

[halosphere.livejournal.com]

He obediently moved with him, not speaking, only a stoic expression and dull eyes, a stark difference from what had begun inside.

[cattygabriel]

Gabriel glanced at him, and stopped. And he was just beginning to heal.

"What do you want me to do?"

New thread? <3

[halosphere.livejournal.com]

He put on a smile, trying to be reassuring. Lilies... He thinks of lilies...

"I think this should be a good place, no one is around and The buildings are rather tall, it wouldn't be likely anyone would see us."