Rain Like Diamonds

[halosphere.livejournal.com]

Time: May 20th, early morning
Location: Michael's room
Status: Private (Gabriel and Raphael) - COMPLETE
Summary: Raphael writes a letter and wants to give Gabriel a gift, but he stills feels guilty for his behavior


Rain Like Diamonds

Okay, so maybe Raphael had gotten a little carried away addressing the envelope that contained the letter he had so carefully written to his older brother.

It looks like a Valentine's Day card... he thought glumly and he almost dropped it in the trash so he could put the letter in a normal not-overdecorated envelope.

It would have been a lost cause anyway.

Gabriel was the Messenger of God, surely he wouldn't mind. And anyway, it was what was inside that counted. And what was inside, tucked between the folded papers (he had used lined paper from his Journal) was a gift... A long red feather, dusted on the end with gold. He had fastened it to a cord and there were two decorative gold beads on each side.

I wonder if I should have had Gabriel bless the feathers before I started giving them away? Oh well, too late now. And anyway, he only gave them to people he trusted.

Before he sealed the envelope he pulled out the letter, reading it one more time:

Dear Gabriel,

I feel that I owe you an apology for my recent behavior, but simply saying "I'm sorry" doesn't seem to be enough. I am very grateful for everything you have done for me and I apologize for being so flippant, especially in regards to my own self-destruction. I can't seem to pull myself away and no matter what I do I feel trapped in circles going nowhere.

You mean a lot to me, Gabriel. I love you and I wish I could make things better. Please forgive me, and know that I really am trying. Thank you for everything. Thank you for being there and for your patience and kindness and just being the angel you truly are.

Love,
Raphael

He carefully refolded it and tucked the feather between the paper, then slipped it inside the envelope and sealed it. For a moment, he considered sneaking away to give Gabriel the letter, but Michael, even in his sleep, would have sprung to life and caught him and then it would have been handcuffs for eternity. Maybe longer.

What am I doing? A letter and a feather isn't going to fix this... Nothing is ever going to make this right...

He dropped the envelope into the small wastepaper basket, burying his face in his hands. He could hear the rain hitting the window outside.

His gaze slowly shifted back to the letter tucked sadly in the wastepaper basket. It's not going to fix anything... But he plucked it out and turned it over in his hands. Raphael glanced over at Michael.

"I'm still here," Raphael said, tip-toeing to the door. "I'm still here I'm still here I'm still here..." He quickly opened the door, slipped the letter beneath Gabriel's door and quickly shimmied back inside.

Pudge looked at him accusingly.

"Shh!" Raphael hissed. He picked up his journal, but was already starting to fret... What would Gabriel think when he saw it?




((•))

Comments

[halosphere.livejournal.com]

Raphael nodded against his chest. He understood, he did, but he just hadn't been ready to return. The place that had been a safe place for him was filled with so many shadows. So many memories that formed his greatest fears.

And the Journal.

That he could do something about. He would burn that infernal thing.

"Could we get something to eat?" he asked. "A quick meal perhaps?"

[cattygabriel]

Gabriel nodded. "Of course." His robes changed into jeans and a T-shirt as he stood, holding a hand out for Raphael. "Any preferences?"

[halosphere.livejournal.com]

Raphael clasped his hand, pulling himself up. He swooned just a little before straightning and smiling warmly at his brother. "It's been awhile since I've had pasta. Maybe something alfresco?"

He didn't want to leave this place, but he didn't want Gabriel to break his promise either. He inhaled a deep breath. "I'm ready," he said quietly.

[cattygabriel]

"What, for breakfast?" Gabriel asked. He, too, turned to take one last look at the church, inhaling deeply as well, soaking in the faith that surrounded them like a soft, warm glow.

"Let's go, then."

[halosphere.livejournal.com]

Stepping out of the church was like opening his eyes for the first time and seeing color. He decided, for now, that he would not think about the shadows that awaited him. He loved his home in the manor and those in it, but so many memories resided in the dark corners. He realized he was bunching up his robe again and released the now-wrinkled fabric, smoothing it down and really looking at the world around him.

Raphael was not the Angel of the Arts but he certainly appreciated it. As he walked to one of Venice's outdoor restaurants (http://s781.photobucket.com/albums/yy92/Rh-II/1292350300.jpg) at the edge of a canal, he couldn't help but muse. "I think if I'd not been a Healer I'd have gone into the restoration of old buildings." Something shimmered in his eyes as he spoke, lightly grazing the alligatoring flaking from a wall.

[cattygabriel]

"But you are," Gabriel pointed out quietly as he miracled Raphael's clothes into normal human clothing.

[halosphere.livejournal.com]

"Even now?" he chuckled.

[cattygabriel]

"Even now," Gabriel replied. "It's what you are, Raphael. It's what He made you to be. It's your function, your Purpose, and it's in your name. You can't just switch it off. I may not be delivering a message right now, but that doesn't mean I'm not the Messenger."

[halosphere.livejournal.com]

He seated himself in one of the wire chairs, suddenly noticing his clothes had changed. His lips curled up at the lingering presence in the fabric from being miracled. "You did not lose your ability to write or know where people and places are," he said.

[cattygabriel]

Gabriel sighed. "If someone had been in an accident and was brought to you, would you examine him and be able to state, say, which bones are broken? Would you know what to do to save him?"

[halosphere.livejournal.com]

"Yes, but so could a Paramedic. I'm no different than a human. That's why I cut off my-"

He stopped, cheeks flushing. "I made a mistake by doubting my existence, my purpose... Feeling abandoned..." He bit his lip, lightly touching the table centerpiece.

[cattygabriel]

The waiter came up, placing menus before them.

Gabriel pinched the bridge of his nose. "I thought the church helped."

"Just hot chocolate for me, thank you," he added to the waiter in fluent Italian.

[halosphere.livejournal.com]

Oh! That's right, he needs to return...

"Me too," he said. He reached over and touched Gabriel's hand. "It did, Gabriel... More than you know. I'm just saying... I mean..."

[cattygabriel]

"You're saying...?," the Messenger asked quietly.

[halosphere.livejournal.com]

Raphael was quiet for a moment, still fingering the table centerpiece. Lilies... Like in those paintings of Gabriel... He closed his eyes, the lingering warmth of Faith and Love still doing its work within him. "I was wrong to Doubt," he whispered, barely audible. "I was wrong to... to hurt myself. I was wrong to accuse you of not being able to love me, it was no different than when I accused Belial because he was a demon." He inhaled slowly, eyes shimmering when he thought of what happened in that church. "I needed this so badly, Gabriel... But I'm afraid of the shadows. What if... What if I go back to the way I was? What if something happens and I... I..."

[cattygabriel]

Gabriel reached across to press his hand lightly. "Michael and I will be there to knock sense into your head."

New thread?

[halosphere.livejournal.com]

He gave a genuine laugh at that. "Well okay then."

When the hot chocolate came to lightly touched the rim, getting whipped cream on the very tips of his fingers. "Let's take this to go, I don't want to make you late."