Rain Like Diamonds

[halosphere.livejournal.com]

Time: May 20th, early morning
Location: Michael's room
Status: Private (Gabriel and Raphael) - COMPLETE
Summary: Raphael writes a letter and wants to give Gabriel a gift, but he stills feels guilty for his behavior


Rain Like Diamonds

Okay, so maybe Raphael had gotten a little carried away addressing the envelope that contained the letter he had so carefully written to his older brother.

It looks like a Valentine's Day card... he thought glumly and he almost dropped it in the trash so he could put the letter in a normal not-overdecorated envelope.

It would have been a lost cause anyway.

Gabriel was the Messenger of God, surely he wouldn't mind. And anyway, it was what was inside that counted. And what was inside, tucked between the folded papers (he had used lined paper from his Journal) was a gift... A long red feather, dusted on the end with gold. He had fastened it to a cord and there were two decorative gold beads on each side.

I wonder if I should have had Gabriel bless the feathers before I started giving them away? Oh well, too late now. And anyway, he only gave them to people he trusted.

Before he sealed the envelope he pulled out the letter, reading it one more time:

Dear Gabriel,

I feel that I owe you an apology for my recent behavior, but simply saying "I'm sorry" doesn't seem to be enough. I am very grateful for everything you have done for me and I apologize for being so flippant, especially in regards to my own self-destruction. I can't seem to pull myself away and no matter what I do I feel trapped in circles going nowhere.

You mean a lot to me, Gabriel. I love you and I wish I could make things better. Please forgive me, and know that I really am trying. Thank you for everything. Thank you for being there and for your patience and kindness and just being the angel you truly are.

Love,
Raphael

He carefully refolded it and tucked the feather between the paper, then slipped it inside the envelope and sealed it. For a moment, he considered sneaking away to give Gabriel the letter, but Michael, even in his sleep, would have sprung to life and caught him and then it would have been handcuffs for eternity. Maybe longer.

What am I doing? A letter and a feather isn't going to fix this... Nothing is ever going to make this right...

He dropped the envelope into the small wastepaper basket, burying his face in his hands. He could hear the rain hitting the window outside.

His gaze slowly shifted back to the letter tucked sadly in the wastepaper basket. It's not going to fix anything... But he plucked it out and turned it over in his hands. Raphael glanced over at Michael.

"I'm still here," Raphael said, tip-toeing to the door. "I'm still here I'm still here I'm still here..." He quickly opened the door, slipped the letter beneath Gabriel's door and quickly shimmied back inside.

Pudge looked at him accusingly.

"Shh!" Raphael hissed. He picked up his journal, but was already starting to fret... What would Gabriel think when he saw it?




((•))

Comments

[cattygabriel]

"Do you think I don't fear my nightmares coming true?" Gabriel asked quietly. "Do you know how many I faced when I left to go and get the Dream Lord's help? I saw your corpse too, Raphael. None of that was real, do you understand? It was all Primoris. He looked for your worst fear and tried to make it real. If all of that was real, if all that I faced was a warning..." He shook his head. Michael. "I'd have to leave, and never see Michael or you or Uriel again. But I know it wasn't real."

He still feared for Michael, but the Warrior had been fine thus far, hadn't he? Surely if he maintained the status quo, if he refrained from tempting Michael...

He tightened his hold on his brother. "It was a dream. Look at me, Raphael. I'm perfectly fine. You don't need a solution for something that doesn't exist. Though you are hurting me by hurting yourself."

[halosphere.livejournal.com]

Raphael nodded almost imperceptibly, holding that infernal notebook against his chest as if it were a shield. "I'll go back to Michael's room," he said softly, voice barely above a whisper. He turned to grasp the doornob, finding that the shadows cast across himself were rather comforting. Easy to hide in...

"Could you unlock it, please?" he asked kindly.

[cattygabriel]

Gabriel sighed. "You know, that dream of yours may have been metaphorical. I'm not literally going to be killed, but seeing you like this... it does hurt. A lot. And I don't know if anything we say has any effect, or if you're just going to find a new way to hurt yourself - and by extension, Michael and myself - the moment we take our eyes off you."

He waved a hand at the door, which opened by itself. "Go if you wish."

[halosphere.livejournal.com]

Raphael blinked up at him with dull green eyes, tilting his head as if he had been speaking in a language he was trying to translate. He looked down at his notebook, small in size but seemed to weigh the entire world and be as large as the Berlin Wall.

He pressed it into Gabriel's hands, trembling slightly. "Maybe... Maybe you should see, then," he whispered.

[cattygabriel]

Gabriel stared at him. The journal was something so private, so important to Raphael... "What do you want me to see?" he asked. "That nightmare?"

New thread? <3

[halosphere.livejournal.com]

"All... All of it," he said, swallowing the dry lump in his throat as he let go of his security blanket and stood before his brother raw and vulnerable. "Just whenever you have time," he quickly amended. "I need help."

His voice seemed too small and suddenly he felt cold, almost naked without that notebook to protect him.