Rain Like Diamonds

[halosphere.livejournal.com]

Time: May 20th, early morning
Location: Michael's room
Status: Private (Gabriel and Raphael) - COMPLETE
Summary: Raphael writes a letter and wants to give Gabriel a gift, but he stills feels guilty for his behavior


Rain Like Diamonds

Okay, so maybe Raphael had gotten a little carried away addressing the envelope that contained the letter he had so carefully written to his older brother.

It looks like a Valentine's Day card... he thought glumly and he almost dropped it in the trash so he could put the letter in a normal not-overdecorated envelope.

It would have been a lost cause anyway.

Gabriel was the Messenger of God, surely he wouldn't mind. And anyway, it was what was inside that counted. And what was inside, tucked between the folded papers (he had used lined paper from his Journal) was a gift... A long red feather, dusted on the end with gold. He had fastened it to a cord and there were two decorative gold beads on each side.

I wonder if I should have had Gabriel bless the feathers before I started giving them away? Oh well, too late now. And anyway, he only gave them to people he trusted.

Before he sealed the envelope he pulled out the letter, reading it one more time:

Dear Gabriel,

I feel that I owe you an apology for my recent behavior, but simply saying "I'm sorry" doesn't seem to be enough. I am very grateful for everything you have done for me and I apologize for being so flippant, especially in regards to my own self-destruction. I can't seem to pull myself away and no matter what I do I feel trapped in circles going nowhere.

You mean a lot to me, Gabriel. I love you and I wish I could make things better. Please forgive me, and know that I really am trying. Thank you for everything. Thank you for being there and for your patience and kindness and just being the angel you truly are.

Love,
Raphael

He carefully refolded it and tucked the feather between the paper, then slipped it inside the envelope and sealed it. For a moment, he considered sneaking away to give Gabriel the letter, but Michael, even in his sleep, would have sprung to life and caught him and then it would have been handcuffs for eternity. Maybe longer.

What am I doing? A letter and a feather isn't going to fix this... Nothing is ever going to make this right...

He dropped the envelope into the small wastepaper basket, burying his face in his hands. He could hear the rain hitting the window outside.

His gaze slowly shifted back to the letter tucked sadly in the wastepaper basket. It's not going to fix anything... But he plucked it out and turned it over in his hands. Raphael glanced over at Michael.

"I'm still here," Raphael said, tip-toeing to the door. "I'm still here I'm still here I'm still here..." He quickly opened the door, slipped the letter beneath Gabriel's door and quickly shimmied back inside.

Pudge looked at him accusingly.

"Shh!" Raphael hissed. He picked up his journal, but was already starting to fret... What would Gabriel think when he saw it?




((•))

Comments

[cattygabriel]

"I did," Gabriel smiled at him. "Come in, will you? I'm not going to bite."

[halosphere.livejournal.com]

He padded into the room, closing the door behind him. "Uhm. I still owe you that hot chocolate from... from before." From when I showed up to the manor looking like a feathery meatball... He really has been going above and beyond... "Or if you don't want that, we can order in?" He realized he was fiddling with the edges of his shirt, quickly releasing the now-wrinkly fabric. "Or uhm... Hey, did you cause the storm outside? I can make storms, but I'm pretty sure I didn't do this one."

[cattygabriel]

Gabriel scrutinised Raphael for a moment before pulling him into a gentle hug. He stroked his little brother's back soothingly, being careful of the stitches. "Hot chocolate will be fine, I didn't cause the storm, and I forgive you, Raphael. You're my brother. There's nothing to thank me for."

He kissed Raphael's forehead. "You could, however, show your contrition by not hurting yourself and others. One more missing or even scratched limb and we'll tie you to the bed. Talking of which, have you thanked Michael?"

[halosphere.livejournal.com]

"I have. And Rose too. And I apologized to Belial." He closed his eyes a moment, enjoying the warmth of Gabriel's presence againat him. "You really went above and beyond. I feel kinda bad for sending you after my wings like that..." Raphael grimaced slightly; he remembered how nauseated he'd get running through a blood-slicked battlefield with mangled bodies littering the ground.

"I just don't know what happened," he sighed. "I know it was for my own protection after Hadassah used me but... I jist don't feel that I am an angel anymore. How can I be?" Is it even possible to heal a broken mind...?

Raphael snuggled further, purring slightly.

[cattygabriel]

Why would Belial need an apology? "I didn't go above and beyond anything. You're my brother, Raphael. I love you. I'd like to think that you would do the same if I showed up half as badly injured."

Gabriel stroked Raphael's hair. "Being an angel isn't just about having wings. You can still do His work, you can still heal the human way, and you can be the happy, loving person you once were. Father does nothing without a reason, and you should have more faith."

[halosphere.livejournal.com]

"It seems like such a long time ago," he said softly. "I'm losing my memories of Heaven and the good I used to do. It's like I have this fog in my mind and some things... like running through a battlefield or healing or even when I was Azarius... I remember, but everything just feels so fuzzy. Like they're being eaten away."

[cattygabriel]

Sighing, Gabriel unfurled his wings and gently wrapped them around himself and Raphael. They didn't touch Raphael, but he knew that the redhead liked to hear the rustling of the feathers.

"I could tell you, if you liked, and I'm sure Michael would too. And you can still do good."

[halosphere.livejournal.com]

He gasped softly and closed his eyes, the soft rustling in his ears tearing him back to a world where winged beings danced about the skies and the Presence flowed like a gentle river. "My earliest memory... that I still remember... was with wings..." He held Gabriel's feather protectively as he spoke. "I was severly hurt in the Rebellion, before Lucifer Fell." That was a bit of an understatement, so many angels had been injured that Raphael had taken a page from Michael and continued on even with his own body a half-digested mess.

"I remember waking up and not being able to see. But I could hear the rustle of feathers and I knew that even if I were to be blind for the rest of my Existence, that it would be okay. Every day, I heard those wings. I didn't recognize the presence because my own was kinda garbled from feeling everyone else's in the room. I wasn't afraid, Gabriel... Maybe I should have been, I mean, how can a Healer heal without being able to see? But I would hear those wings and remember... I'd remember angels soaring above me. I'd remember the Light and the Presence of our Father. It just... It was like being hugged." Raphael chuckled a little, cheeks coloring slightly. "I know it sounds silly. I was a lot stronger then."

[cattygabriel]

Brushing his lips lightly across Raphael's forehead, Gabriel smiled. "It's not silly. I wasn't as badly hurt in the battle - physically, anyway - so I came by every now and then to check on all of you, but I don't think it was me you heard. I think it was Father comforting you."

[halosphere.livejournal.com]

"I miss Him," he said softly. "I just feel so empty. I don't know what to do. I write in my journal and that helps a little but at the end of the page nothing is different. I miss Him. I wish He'd answer me."

[cattygabriel]

"He will," Gabriel said softly. "Not immediately, but trust that He will answer you eventually. Do you want to visit a church? They usually have an atmosphere of faith that I find peaceful. It might help."

[halosphere.livejournal.com]

"Actually..." Raphael looked sheepish for a moment. "I was going to ask if I could spend the night with you? I think Michael could use the break and I could sleep on that rug over there." As if to prove he could, Raphael moved over to said rug, placed his notebook and pen beneath it and sat atop it, smiling innocently. "You won't even know I'm here."

[cattygabriel]

Gabriel sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Stop being ridiculous. You're not going to sleep on the rug when the cats get to sleep on the bed."

And on his pillow, sometimes, resulting in the angel trying to take up as little space as possible on his own bed. At times it felt like the bed belonged to two cats that weren't even that large, and Gabriel was the intruder.

[halosphere.livejournal.com]

Raphael had the expression of one who had just been given a very lavish and heartfelt gift. "Really...? You... You don't mind?" He felt honestly touched. "I'll be careful that my pen won't poke you or anything."

[cattygabriel]

Gabriel rolled his eyes, though he was beginning to smile. "Raphael, I'm Michael's second in command in the Host. I assure you, I've been through worse than being poked by a pen or a journal. I do have to go to work though, so I'm afraid you'll still have to stay with Michael for the day, but I'll come and get you after work."

[halosphere.livejournal.com]

Oh! He blushed a little; he had forgotten about Gabriel working at the library. He still hadn't had a chance to check out the library for himself... All those books yet to be explored!

"Maybe... Maybe I could stay here until you return?" He held up his book and pen. "I would just stay right in this room and write in my notebook." Raphael smiled up at his older brother. "And I know your rank," he chuckled. I wonder if I still have a rank?

[cattygabriel]

Gabriel bit his lip. He didn't even trust his brother enough to leave him alone; he hated it, but it was true. "Raphael, I can't... I can't leave you alone. I'm sorry, but I can't. You can either go back to Michael's room until evening, or spend the day in the library with me. I'll write him a note telling him you're with me if you choose the latter option."

[halosphere.livejournal.com]

Raphael nearly jumped with glee at the mention of the library, but then he realized if he did come, then Gabriel would be watching him instead of focusing on his job. And Michael needed the break from all this frustration. Father, why did you make me such a burden...? "I'll stay right here and play with the cats and write," he said again. "Please...? I just... I'll just write in my book. I'll even use a marker if you think the pen is too sharp."

He gave a small smile, blinking up at him with Baby Bambi Eyes

[cattygabriel]

Gabriel shook his head. "I'm sorry, Raphael, but I'd never forgive myself if I left you alone and something happened again. You know your options. I think it would be good for you to get out of the rooms and spend some time somewhere else, though, and hopefully a book can help you get your mind off things."

Although now that Raphael mentioned the pen... The Messenger frowned. "And can I see your wrists?"

[halosphere.livejournal.com]

Raphael may have been the Best Hugger in Creation but he was the Worst Liar in Any Universe. He slowly moved his hands behind hia back. "Oh! You just reminded me, I need to... to take a shower! Erm, in my own room. You know, cause Michael's shower is occupied by my pets and erm, you need to go to work. So I should just go to my own room. Yup!" He quickly moved to the door, cheeks burning.

[cattygabriel]

Oh, no.

Gabriel waved a hand. The door immediately shut and locked itself.

"Arms. Now."

The storm outside had been lightening a little; the sky seemed to grow darker now, suddenly, as thunder rumbled ominously.

New thread? <3

[halosphere.livejournal.com]

"I'm sprouting stripes," Raphael said quickly, hands still behind his back as he tried to pull his sleeves down. "And I really really need that shower! So don't come any closer, you know how human corporations can be when... when you don't wash them."