(no subject)

[stillnotfallen.livejournal.com]

Date:  March 18, 2003
Status:  Private (Aziraphale - complete)
Setting:  Lower Tadfield Airbase
Summary:  Aziraphale has a nightmare.

Human suffering has always made him sick to his stomach, and there has been a lot of that over the centuries.  But here he is again, in the thick of it, the scent of ash and burned hair surrounding him, choking him...  How can they do this?  To each other, to themselves?  Don't they realize the futility of it all?  Why can't he make them understand?  It is his job, after all, but they have no cares of the ineffable - it is as though they have no fear of what comes beyond, or even of any humanly repercussions - they are Damned and do not know it. 

For all that the ones responsible are Damned, right now it feels as if he alone is. 

He's trapped here.  He can't leave.  The agonized souls around him cry out to him, drag him down with them, and he is one of them now, just another victim in this monstrosity.  Heaven has forsaken him. 

It is fitting, therefore, that his saviour, when he comes, comes from Below, not Above.

But until then, he is no angel, he is only a lost soul.

And in the dream, his saviour doesn't come.